a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
