I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
