Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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