Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
