I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My penis needs a shock collar
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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