Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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