chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
