So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
