nut hugger
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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