my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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