she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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