I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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