I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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