Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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