i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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