I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
