In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
zippers are such a cool invention
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
