and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
COCAINE IS GR8
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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