I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so let's talk penis.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
