Your mouth is God's brothel.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
