so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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