I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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