roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Still dying that you shit outside
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
