I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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