If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
