based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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