Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
