you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
