I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
