like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize