Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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