Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
