I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
