Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
