so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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