My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
