I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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