you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
