wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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