every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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