fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize