i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
