1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
