so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
