I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dick very happy bro
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