im having a threesome with these popsicles
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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