Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
