Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
