Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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