Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
