Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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