I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
