Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
