We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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