I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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