I just pynch a tree in the face
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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