Got a toothbrush?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
