When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
