I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
