I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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