im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
