don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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