meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
