he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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